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Roberta

TELL OR ASK?

This month I am branching out into offering teleclasses on Body Language as well as a new bi-monthly e-zine on the same subject. So it seems fitting that I should talk about communications or lack thereof. Last month, I ranted about individuals who didn’t seem to meet me half way in my efforts to make acquaintances. I had two colleagues phone me, feeling quite guilty that perhaps I was referring to them. NO. Part of the intent of my editorial was to point out that I would prefer it, if someone were more direct and not give me the run-a-round. Besides, if you are a friend or good colleague of mine, I promise you, I will tell you if you have annoyed me. The truth is that I hope the person that I was referring to never reads my e-zine.

I am so amazed at how very differently some of us communicate. I am a tell kind of gal. Direct is the approach.

When someone asks me if I want to take out the garbage, I am not adverse to saying, and I quote: NO, I do not WANT to take out the garbage. I would be willing to take out the garbage if you would like me to, but NO, WHO would really WANTS to take to garbage. Not me.

So I begin to wonder, why can’t people just ask for what they want? I know – it doesn’t work that way. People who prefer to ask, think that people like me who tell are impolite or rude. I think of myself as refreshingly blunt. I believe that others who prefer to ask are simply perpetuating the confusion in communications. SAY WHAT YOU WANT!

My style is to say – Take out the garbage. Then in my sensitive way, I try to remember to add please. I wouldn’t even mind if someone asks me: Would you mind taking out the garbage? That is still a question, but I understand it. In this question, there isn’t some hidden message about what the other person wants but won’t ask. Usually, I am just suppose to KNOW. I am just not very good at deciphering all of these hidden messages that bombard me every day. It is as though we all were suppose to get some sort of universal decoder ring as children. Well mine got lost somewhere.

There is a lot written about some of us being from Mars and the rest from Venus. Personally, I don’t think this is a gender issue. It is not unusual for me to feel at though I am from Uranus and it really doesn’t matter if I am talking to a guy or a gal. Sure, there may be some gender stuff going on but it is also about someone’s upbringing and personal style preferences. I try to be receptive to it all – honestly, I do.

Please just tell me what you want; it would make my life so much easier.

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.

~ Naguib Mahfouz

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

~ Robert Benchley

Three ways to add a favorite or bookmark to your list.

1. Go up to the top line of tabs and click on the Favorite / Bookmark tab and then click on the add line.
2. Point your mouse to the section of the page and right click. Look for the line Add to Favorites / Bookmarks and click.
3. Press the Control and D keys at the same time.

Here’s a bonus tip for you. Is the text too big or too small? Go up to the top and under the View tab, you can change the size of the text.

This month’s book is The Accelerated Learning Handbook by Dave Meier.

http://www.coachingoption.com/books/accelerate.htm

Keep Your Fork

There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things in order, she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. The woman also requested to be buried with her favorite Bible.

Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

There's one more thing, she said excitedly.

What's that? came the pastor's reply.

This is very important, the woman continued. I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand.

The pastor stood looking at the woman, not knowing quite what to say.

That surprises you, doesn't it? the woman asked.

Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request, said the pastor.

The woman explained.

In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, *Keep your fork*. It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder *What's with the fork? *. Then I want you to tell them: *Keep your fork.....the best is yet to come*.

The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman goodbye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did.

She KNEW that something better was coming.

At the funeral people were walking by the woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and her favorite Bible and the fork placed in her right hand.

Over and over, the pastor heard the question *What's with the fork?* And over and over he smiled.

During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the woman shortly before she died.

He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her.

The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.

He was right.

So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you oh...so gently, that the best is yet to come.

Try the Food Quiz to test your calorie IQ from Prevention Magazine. It is full of some surprising pieces of information. It can be found at:

http://www.prevention.com/weightloss/quiz/pictureperfect/

Getting a Grip on Business Speak by Cheryl S. Cohen

http://www.workforce.com/feature/00/06/89/

In the above article, the author mentions the site the Jargonator. You have to take a look at this one:

http://www.jargonfreeweb.com/

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Copyright (c) 2001 by Ward-Green and Hill Associates Ltd.
All rights reserved. ISSN 1496-7529
Reproduction for publication is encouraged,
with the following attribution: From "The Coaching Option," by
Roberta F. Hill, http://www.coachingoption.com

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